Be fundamentally prepared to walk away from a deal, no matter how much you want it. Sometimes, something just doesn’t quite feel right. There may be signs, which you ignore. There may be a niggling feeling or concern, which you ignore. You may find yourself justifying the situation with the word ‘but’. Think back to what ‘being ready’ means and how to be ready (ie make a decision). I was told at 23 that when you get that niggling feeling, it’s a clue, it’s an insight as to what lies ahead.
Firstly, it is vitally important that you express at the earliest time possible when something, any element is not working for you. Doing so discovers new opportunities. It may nip the issue in the bud. It also gives the other person opportunity to continue progressing rather than waiting and relying on an opportunity, that unknowingly to them no longer exists. Some of the biggest derailments I have experienced in life come from people I believed in who avoid. Avoid confrontation, avoid admitting everything isn’t on track as much as they would like it to be, avoid wanting to be the bearer of bad news, avoid saying yes or no, avoid making a decision, avoid starting, avoid doing. Avoidance is one of the most destructive behaviours in the world! If there is one thing to avoid, it’s avoidance itself.
Secondly, listen out for the phrase ‘if you… I’ll then…’, particularly you’ll hear parents use the words with children. What parents often overlook is that children are incredibly smart and cotton on to the fact you can warn over and over again without follow through. Then a circular pattern evolves where parent and child, husband and wife or business partners are in a game to win rather than resolution. It changes the entire focus of the original objective. It can also be considered emotional blackmail. People will often push boundaries. There is a reason the Victorian Government has a zero tolerance on drink driving. Zero tolerance does not allow for excuses, loopholes, rule breakers – the scenario is made black and white, end of story.
If you are not prepared to follow through on your statement, then do not state it! Rhetoric is related to avoidance – both of which are related to inaction. When you notice a person has a pattern of avoidance and talking without action, without a contract, without showing you the money, without turning up on time or at all, without doing what they say they will, remember, people are not their behaviour, however, that person is probably not ready. Probably not emotionally ready. Mitigate by moving on and not relying on them, perhaps leaving a window of opportunity open instead that gives win-win support, importantly not draining your energy and resources.
When we are prepared, emotionally, to follow through on what we say, as learned in understanding people, there are changes and development in our energy, the words we choose to use, opportunities that unfold before our eyes. When you simply ‘say’ something, without the belief, without far more then mere intention and without a focus to follow through – other people can see straight through you and will call your bluff.
Poker is a much loved game by many. Identifying ‘tells’ to evaluate and decide who is bluffing and who holds value. In many ways, life, certainly deals, are a game of poker.
Sincerity and honesty, which take courage, is the key to relationship-based deals. Eastern cultures focus on relationships, western cultures tend to focus on assets. Integration of both holds extraordinary value. Of course, you must hold some cards to your chest and perception is considered everything to some, however, misleading people is an entirely different, destructive and illegal conscious or unconscious strategy. Focus on the substance rather than the looks.
Be prepared to walk away, be open with what is not working for you, follow through and be true to yourself and other people.